


Coffee Love // markjin

by Eimi_nee



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 18:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12195594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eimi_nee/pseuds/Eimi_nee
Summary: Mark didn't like sweetness. But somehow, he didn't really mind Jinyoung's coffee scent.





	1. Informations, Translations (Vietnamese, French, Polish)

Vietnamese translation : https://www.wattpad.com/story/87487732-trans-fic-c%C3%A0-ph%C3%AA-t%C3%ACnh-y%C3%AAu-coffee-love

 

French translation (by me) : https://www.wattpad.com/story/94545864-coffee-love-markjin

 

Polish translation : https://www.wattpad.com/story/107023966


	2. Prologue

"-  **What can I serve**  -"

Jinyoung's voice seemed to have disappeared when his eyes met the pretty face that was standing in front of him.  
Pretty was maybe not the word as the owner of the face was a guy - but it seemed so delicate.  
Like a flower, wanting to bloom. But the red of his hair seemed to destroy this delicate image his tiny brown eyes, his cute little nose and his oh-so-perfect lips drew on the stranger's face.

"- **I'm sorry. What can I serve you ?** Asked Jinyoung as he blinked to keep his mind straight.  
-  **A coffee, please. Dark. With no sugar."**

Oh man, Jinyoung could have fainted at the client's voice if he didn't see his boss just behind him.  
His voice sounded like dark, pure chocolate. Sour. Perfect.

Jinyoung tried - miserably - to make the coffee without any incident, as his hands were shaking like his phone when he receives a call.

_Calm down Jin'. What's wrong with you,_ he murmured to himself.

Breathing in, breathing out, he turned his face to the client and handed him his coffee.  
And when his fingers' met the stranger's ones, really, Jinyoung thought he had a heart-attack.

It all started, with the touch of a hand.


	3. Chapter One

« -  **Wait ! Can I ask you what your name is ?**  »

Mark turned again after thanking the waiter. His eyes fell right on his, and Mark knew that what he thought was right.

"-  **Sorry ?**  he asked, confused.

-  **What's your name ?**  said the waiter again.

-  **Why do you want to know my name ?**  demanded Mark, raising his eyebrows.

-  **Ah, I'm embarrassed now. It's just that you seemed quite nice, and interesting...** "

Mark was speechless. He stared at the waiter, paying attention to his facial traits. He was pretty cute, Mark had to admit. But cute wasn't really his type. He had black hair, straight with bangs falling in his eyes, which were black, and quite big. His lips were full and had a sweet pink color.  
Everything in him screamed "cute", but Mark wasn't the type of guy who liked cute things.

"-  **Mark. My name is Mark. Thank you for the coffee. Bye !** "

He turned away as fast as he could, not giving time for the waiter to answer. He then quickly left for his university.

Walking in the streets, sipping his coffee, right at this moment, he thought he couldn't be more peaceful.

That's when a blonde monster jumped on his back.

"-  **Bambam ! Stop doing this ! I swear one day I'll have a heart attack.**

-  **Sorry hyung, I just love when you pout ! You're adorable.**

-  **I'm not adorable !** "

Bambam ran away, trying to catch his breath as he was laughing at his hyung.

Mark didn't want to be called cute. He hated this word and everything that refers to this word.

 _Aish, this kid_ , Mark murmured to himself as he was watching the mess his coffee made on the pavement.

Scratching the back of his head, he started walking again, and tried to go back at his previous state of peace. But no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts went to his coffee spilled all over the pavement, and in fact, to the cute waiter he left five minutes earlier.

This boy had something mysterious in him, as if the smile he showed wasn't really a true smile.

Before he could think more, Mark arrived at his school and joined his group of friends, ready for another day of classes and laughter.

Taking his seat for the first class he had this morning, which was English, a girl jumped on his legs and sat on his laps, kissing his lips as soon as he sat on the chair.

"-  **I sometimes wish you would just tell me hello before eating my face** , joked Mark.

-  **Hello babe** , smiled the girl.

-  **Too late** , murmured Mark as he kissed her again.

-  **Mark, Emily ! Stop devouring each other in class please** ", shouted someone across the room.

Laughing together, Emily pecked her boyfriend's lips and left to her seat.

They were the American couple of the class, and if there was one thing Mark was sure of, is that they certainly wouldn't be together if one of them wasn't American. When Emily moved to Korea, she was alone, and somehow felt glad when their teacher introduced them to each other. Their story was a usual love story, and everything went well without any problem.

They started dating two months ago, and Mark felt comfortable with her. They both were the shy type, and silence was something they were comfortable in. They never really talked.

Mark didn't know if he really had feelings for her, but this relationship made him quite happy, so he didn't mind. She was a nice girl, after all.

His class started, but the waiter never really left his mind. His friends noticed something was wrong with him, but they were used of Mark being quiet, so they didn't really ask. Maybe, if they did, Mark would have confessed feeling confused.

It was the first time he found someone cute, and somehow, this time, he liked it.

On the other hand, Jinyoung worked all day long, trying hard to keep his mind busy. It wasn't the first time he met someone he liked at the shop, after all. Jinyoung wasn't a playboy, don't get him wrong. He was only searching for the right one.

"-  **Jaebum !** " shouted Jinyoung as soon as he walked out the shop.

The so-called Jaebum turned around, a smile on his lips.

"-  **Oh oh, someone had a great day.**

-  **Yes...**

-  **And as always, you'll never tell me what happened, right ?**

-  **You know me too well !**  laughed Jinyoung, slapping his friend on the shoulder.

-  **Who is it this time ? A new colleague ?**

-  **Nope. A client.**

-  **Wow, you're answering my questions today** , realized Jaebum with wide eyes.

-  **His name is Mark** , murmured Jinyoung with a little smile on his lips.

-  **And now you're blushing**."

Jinyoung laughed a little, already knowing his friend was right.

"-  **You need to stop crushing over everyone, Jin'.**

-  **I think he's the one.**

-  **You don't even know him** , sighed Jaebum.

-  **I will. I think he'll come back tomorrow**."

Jaebum was worried. It wasn't the first time Jinyoung told him about a new client he met. But it was the first time he said he may be the one he waited for, for too long now.

But Jinyoung was sure, Mark would come back the day after. And Jaebum was sure he was wrong.  
  
But what if he wasn't ?


	4. Chapter Two

Time was slow, and Jinyoung couldn't help but stare at the door for the whole day. He even saw someone with red hair, but when he looked closely, it was a girl.  
What a disappointment.

He felt like giving up, but he wanted to show Jaebum he was wrong. Mark would come. He wasn't the only one who felt the connection established between the two of them. It wasn't possible.

"-  **Hum, excuse me ?** "

Jinyoung jumped at the voice, the deep voice he immediately recognized. He turned around, meeting the dark eyes he has been waiting for the whole day.

"-  **Mark ! You came** , sighed Jinyoung in relief.

-  **Yeah...**  Mark said, scratching the back of his head, as if he didn't know himself why he came.  **Can I have the same thing as yesterday ?** "

Smiling, Jinyoung turned his back to Mark and prepared the coffee as slowly as possible. He didn't want Mark to leave as fast as he did the day before.

"-  **You're lucky, it's my last coffee of the day !**  he said, giving his order to the red head.

-  **Oh really ?**

-  **Yes. By any chance...**

-  **Are you free now, then ?** "

Jinyoung couldn't believe that Mark was the one who made the first step. Smiling even harder if it was possible, he nodded, and asked Mark to wait a bit, as he had to change his clothes.

When he came back, nervous of being left alone, he saw the red head sitting at the bar, looking kind of lost. Jinyoung's smile was still on his lips, as if it was permanent.

"-  **So where do you want to go ?**  he asked, making Mark jumped a bit.

-  **Uh, I don't really know. Is there a park near the shop ?** "

Jinyoung only smiled in response, and started to walk, followed by the confused red head. They arrived at the park in a perfect silence, only interrupted by Mark's respiration as he had a hard time following Jinyoung's rhythm.

They sat on a bench and talked a bit, about random things, only starting to know each other. Mark was older than Jinyoung, but somehow looked younger, and Jinyoung could only find this even cuter.

Mark didn't really know why he came back to the younger one. He had no idea, but when he woke up this morning, he only knew he had to. Jinyoung had something that made him feel great, but also extraordinarily sad. It took him the whole night to find out what it was, and when he realized, his first reaction was to avoid Jinyoung. But his steps took him at the shop, and somehow he was glad he came.

"-  **I'm glad you came** , whispered Jinyoung with a small smile on his lips, as if he could read the older's thoughts.

-  **Me too. I still don't know why I came but, I'm here**."

They exchanged their numbers, Jinyoung blushing so hard when Mark smiled at him. It was the most beautiful smile he ever saw, shining harder than most stars in the sky.

It was soon time for both of them to leave, and come back home. They walked slowly, trying to spend the little amount of time left with each other.

When Jinyoung came back home this night, all he found was broken bottles everywhere, and his mom lying on the couch. He sighed, took off his coat, put his keys on the table and took his mother in his arms to put her in her bed.

He then took a shower, trying to feel Mark's warmness again in this cold house he had to call home.

Ever since his dad died, some years ago, his mom started drinking nearly every day. It was some kind of a routine to put her on her bed like this, and to prepare dinner for his brother. He suddenly became the dad in the house, but also the mom, as both of his parents left him when he was younger.

When Mark came back home this night, he ate his dinner with both of his parents and his sister, looking so happy and peaceful. It was the first time he actually felt this way since the accident.

And when he went to bed this night, he replayed the few hours he spent with Jinyoung in his head. But he didn't see Jinyoung in his dreams this night.

He saw Jackson, and woke up crying in the middle of the night.


	5. Chapter Three

Every morning, Mark would wake up crying, but he never remembered any dream. He didn't really care that tears were rolling on his cheeks – he was used of waking up with wet cheeks.

The week-end came, and Mark realized something was different as soon as he woke up. His cheeks were dry, for the first time since the accident. Strange.

He had been waiting for this day since he left Jinyoung a few days earlier. He didn't have the time to visit the younger one, but now, he just wanted to run to the shop.

However, he forced himself to be slow and to take his time, as he didn't want to look desperate. He was a shy guy, after all, but when he was with Jinyoung, he felt so... comfortable. Maybe it was his coffee scent, maybe it was his smile, he didn't know. But he felt something with Jinyoung he hadn't felt in ages, since... him.

But maybe he should have be faster, because he was leaving his house when his phone rang, showing Emily's picture as he picked up his phone.

"-  **Hey babe** , he sighed.

-  **Wow, tell me if you don't want to talk to me** , she answered, taken aback by Mark's reaction.

-  **No sorry, I was locking my door.**

-  **Where are you going ?**

-  **To a coffee shop** , he said, suddenly feeling hesitant.

-  **You can come to my house, you can drink some coffee here.**

-  **It's just that... I was meeting with Jinyoung...** "

Mark didn't want to hurt her, but Jinyoung was waiting for him, and he didn't want to dump him like this. Emily knew her boyfriend met a guy at his usual coffee shop, but she didn't know they were that... close.

"-  **Oh...** she murmured, and her disappointment could be heard in her voice.

-  **I'm sorry. I can come in one hour if you want** , he proposed.

-  **Yes ! I'll wait for you** , she said, and Mark knew she was relieved.

-  **See you later then. Bye babe**."

Mark sighed. He was looking forward his meeting with Jinyoung, but Emily was an important part of his life and he couldn't just forget it now that he met a good friend like him.

He arrived at the shop before he could even realize it, too deep into his thoughts that he didn't remember walking all the way there.

"-  **Maaaaaaaaark** , shouted a voice he could of course recognize.

-  **Hey Jin', how are you ?**

-  **You haven't visited me for ages, I thought you forgot about me.**

-  **Of course I didn't, but my studies are important too**."

Jinyoung was acting strange, all cute and jealous, and Mark was a little bit surprised. Not that it was disturbing him, but they didn't know that much about each other, and he was acting as if they met years ago.

"-  **Same as usual, I guess ?** "

Mark nodded, smiling, and sat on the chair he always sat on. Mark was someone who had a lot of habits and he didn't really know why. Changes always scared him.

The two of them discussed about plenty of things : the weather, Mark's studies, Jinyoung's job... But nothing serious. That's what Mark liked in their relationship. It was never serious, and it was as if they were both carried by a sweet and calming cloud.  
Yes, that was it. Their relationship calmed him, he never worried about anything when he was with the younger one.

"-  **So... What are you doing today ?**  asked Jinyoung with a detached look.

-  **I guess I'll spend my day with my girlfriend.**

-  **You... you have a girlfriend ?** "

Jinyoung was hurt, but he tried not to show it. Mark wasn't his property, after all.

"-  **I didn't tell you ? I'm sorry** , said Mark quickly as he thought Jinyoung's ignorance was the reason of his sad eyes.

-  **What's her name ?**

-  **Emily. She's pretty nice.**

-  **You should bring her here some day** , Jinyoung proposed, curious about the person who took his crush's heart.

-  **What about tomorrow ? Or next Saturday, I don't mind**."

Jinyoung nodded, and turned away as he had to take another client's order.

Time went like this for the thirty minutes they were together. Mark was drinking his coffee and Jinyoung didn't care about him and didn't even bother to talk to him.  
He was feeling mad, but he didn't know why. Jealousy, maybe.

And when he turned away, after calming down, the chair was empty. And so was his heart.

Mark quickly arrived at Emily's house, mad at Jinyoung for ignoring him like this and confused. He was aware that he did something wrong, but what was it, he didn't know. And he had no idea why it was affecting him that way.

"-  **Hey babe** , she said as she opened her door. Her blonde hair was a little bit messy, but he didn't care, it even made her more beautiful.  **How was your meeting with Jinyoung ?**

-  **Good, I guess. He wants to meet you.**

-  **Oh ? When ?**

-  **Tomorrow if you're free or next week-end. Tell me when it's better for you.**

-  **I'm okay for tomorrow**."

Mark nodded quietly, and he was glad she didn't ask him the reason of his gloomy look.

They spent the whole afternoon together, watching movies and cuddling on the couch. Just like every couple.

But, when at the end of the second movie, Emily heard Mark sobbing quietly beside him, she wasn't even surprised. And maybe, it's not what other couples usually do.

"-  **Mark ? Are you okay**?"

He was having a panic attack again, and strangely, Emily's voice reassured him.

"-  **It's him, he's... he... he's gone**."

Mark was crying, and Emily sighed as she took him in her arms. He was hooking on her as if he saw a ghost, and maybe, it was the truth. She was used of his sudden attacks, but she was always scared when he had one.

"-  **It's my fault, if only I knew... If only...**

-  **Mark, it wasn't your fault. It was theirs.**

-  **Why is he gone... I need him... I need Jin'... Why is he...** "

That's when Emily understood. Mark wasn't talking about what happened to his best friend Jackson some years ago, but he was talking about Jinyoung, because weirdly enough, Jinyoung was exactly like Jackson. And Mark was afraid of loosing Jinyoung the way he lost Jackson.

Because, she knew it, Mark fell in love with Jinyoung, just like he fell for Jackson when they were younger.


	6. Chapter Four

They arrived quite early at the shop the day after. Mark didn't want to make Jinyoung wait – or at least that's what he said to Emily. But she knew he only wanted to see the younger one.

Mark was excited and kind of scared at the same time. He didn't know if Jinyoung and Emily would get along, but he wanted to believe they would. He didn't know what he would do if it wasn't the case.

The shop was nearly empty, and Jinyoung was talking to a girl as he made her her coffee. Mark's heart tightened in his chest, but he ignored it. They sat quietly beside the girl, and Jinyoung's eyes shone with happiness as he greeted the couple.

"-  **Hey, I'm Emily. You must be Jinyoung ?**

-  **Yes, it's me. It's nice to meet you !**

-  **The pleasure is shared** , she said, as Mark watched them with a quiet smile on his lips.  **Mark told me a lot about you.**

-  **Oh really ? I hope he hasn't said anything wrong.**

-  **Absolutely not. He can't shut up once he starts talking about you** , Emily answered with a certain jealousy in her voice, glancing over her boyfriend whose eyes were glued on Jinyoung. She sighed. Jinyoung could feel the discomfort that was going on between these two, and changed the subject.

-  **So, you're in Mark's class ?** "

They talked about Emily for about ten minutes, but Mark and Jinyoung talked about something only them could understand.

Emily was left alone, and it went like this for about one hour, before she really couldn't handle it anymore.

"-  **Mark ? Can I talk to you ?**

-  **Yeah, of course. Jin' ! I'll be right back**."

Jinyoung nodded, and returned to his work.

The couple went outside, and Emily was smiling.

"-  **What do you want to say ?**

-  **I want to break up**."

Mark blinked, and his mind got blank.

"-  **Why ? Did I do something wrong ?**

-  **Mark, stop denying it ! I've seen the way you look at Jinyoung.**

-  **What does that mean ? Jin' just –**

-  **Reminds you of Jackson ? I know this. But he means more to you**."

These words kept repeating in Mark's mind, he didn't know what she meant by that.

"-  **It's better for us to break up. We wouldn't have last forever anyway, we don't even love each other.**

-  **Emily, I'm sorry...**

-  **Don't. Thank you for everything. We'll see each other in class ! Bye Mark. Good luck**."

She walked away, and Mark could see she was crying. She was the only one who actually believed in their story. They say there is always one person in a couple that loves the other one more, and she just hoped it wasn't her.  
  
He was lost, but all he wanted to do was go in the shop and be with Jinyoung.  
What was wrong with him ?

He returned after a few minutes, alone, which surprised Jinyoung.

"-  **She broke up with me.**

-  **Oh my god, is it my fault ? Did I say something wrong ?** gasped the younger one, suddenly searching in his mind what he could have done.

-  **No don't worry, it's only my fault.**

-  **Are you okay ?**

-  **Yes** , sighed Mark with a smile after a few seconds. He was fine, but his heart was empty. It's not like he was in love with her anyway, right ?

-  **So, if you're fine... You won't mind if I bring you somewhere tonight, uh ?** "

___________________________________________________________________________

Mark spent his afternoon lying on his bed. He sent plenty of texts to Emily but she never answered, and Mark could only understand her. He was feeling guilty, so guilty, and he didn't know what to do to make her forgive him.

One hour before going out, he changed his clothes after a quick shower and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Where was the happy child he has always been before ?

Jackson didn't only leave him alone, he also took his smile with him.

Mark shook his head, he refused to think about this. He should be happy, but he wasn't. Not when the place beside him was filled with his shadow.

He met Jinyoung at the shop, as the younger one invited him a few hours earlier. Jinyoung was shining in the night's dark light, and Mark smiled before even reaching him.

They ate at Jinyoung's favourite restaurant and Mark's mind was free. Finally. He wasn't thinking of anything except of the boy in front of him.

After dinner, Mark brought Jinyoung to one of his favourite place. Lying down on the hill, all he could see was the stars shining far above him.

Jinyoung was amazed. He didn't know this place, and he regretted it. It was so beautiful, everything was so peaceful and calm. The trees around them were agitating their leaves in a wonderful song, and from where he was, he could see the city's light contrasting with the peacefulness they were in. He lied down beside Mark, and closed his eyes. Everything was perfect. The feeling of the grass, the way the wind was blowing his hair. Mark sighed in content, as Jinyoung sat up, glancing at him.

"-  **It's perfect** , murmured Mark.

-  **I know...** "

But, as Mark was talking about the moment, Jinyoung was only looking at Mark's beautiful face...

After a few hours, Jinyoung managed to convince Mark to let him sleep over. He didn't want to take care of his family this night, not when he was with him. He wanted a little bit of liberty, even if it was for day.

They were walking sides by sides, talking about random things, when a question Mark asked made Jinyoung stop.

"-  **Why aren't you studying ? You're younger than me, you should be at school.**

-  **I... It's complicated.**

-  **I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked** , apologized Mark quickly as he saw Jinyoung's eyes filled with ghosts of his past.

-  **No it's okay. I don't really hide it, but I don't want everyone to know. My... dad died of pneumonia just after my brother was born.**

-  **Oh I'm –**

-  **Don't say you're sorry, please, it makes it everything worse. Being sorry for the loss of someone you don't even know is stupid and it's not like it can bring him back**."

Mark was surprised by Jinyoung's sudden abruptness, but he could only understand him. He didn't know what he would have done if his father died.

"-  **My mom can't take care of us, if that's what you're thinking about. She's alcoholic** , he continued with a little laugh.  **That's why I asked you to let me sleep over. I don't want to see her today.** "

Mark nodded, and he knew he had to change the subject quickly before it became awkward between them.

They arrived at Mark's house, which was empty because both of his parents were away for work and his sister was sleeping at a friend's. He showed his house to Jinyoung, and they stopped in the living room, turning the TV on and sitting on the couch.

As usual, Mark's breathing became loud and shaking, but for once, he didn't have Emily by his side.

And Jinyoung wasn't used of Mark's attacks.

"-  **Mark ? Are you okay ?** "

The older one wanted to call Emily, her voice always reassured him. But he couldn't, and for the first time this day, he felt alone.

"-  **Yeah I am. Don't worry. I'm just having a headache**."

Taking an aspirine, he went straight to his bedroom where he lied on his bed, trying to calm down.

Jinyoung followed him and lied next to him, squeezing him in his arms until the older one went calm and fell asleep.

"-  **I know there's something you're hiding from me Mark...**  Jinyoung murmured quietly.  **It's okay, I'll wait for you**."

He had a little smile on his lips, but in fact his eyes were full of tears when he looked at the older's peaceful face.

He didn't want Mark to get hurt. He then promised himself that he would never leave Mark, not when he knew how much it hurts to be left alone.


	7. Chapter Five

When they both woke up the day after, things were really awkward between them. Mark's attack brought questions in Jinyoung's head but the older boy wasn't ready to answer them. They quietly cooked breakfast and ate in a complete silence the still hot pancakes, but their mind weren't really silent.

Unlike Jinyoung who was wondering the reasons of Mark's panic attack, Mark's thoughts were filled with Jackson's face, Emily's voice, and Jinyoung's presence. Everything in his was messy and he felt like he was going to explode any time soon.

It wasn't a few hours later that Jinyoung found himself suffocating in Mark's house and decided to leave without taking the time to take a shower.

"-  **I'm leaving** , he announced to the older boy.

-  **Okay, I have to go to school anyway. I hope we'll see each other soon.**

-  **I guess. Bye** , Jinyoung said, stepping closer to Mark.

-  **What the hell do you think you're doing ?!**  Mark screamed as Jinyoung took him in his arms.

-  **Just a hug, calm down...**

-  **Go away. Please. Go**."

Jinyoung took a step back, obeying Mark's orders, and in his eyes, it seemed like something broke. He silently went away, slowly, shaking as Mark's voice echoed in his ears.

Mark sighed, hearing the door closing after Jinyoung. It was too soon, he wasn't ready, and Jinyoung's warm wasn't enough to make the ice on his heart melt. He couldn't himself explain why he reacted that way. He didn't mean to be that harsh with Jinyoung but he couldn't help but avoid him.

Shaking his head, he decided to think about that another time, and prepared to get to school. As always, Bambam welcomed him with opened arms, but everyone in his class where acting weird to him, as if he was made of glass and they didn't want to see him breaking any time soon.

Emily must have told them about their breakup, he thought, and he realized she was missing. Mark was alone, more alone than ever.

He missed him.

______________________________________________________________________________

"-  **Jinyoung ?**

-  **Hey Jaebum.**

-  **Did you get any sleep tonight ?! You look so bad.**

- **I... Mark and I fought and let's just say it was my fault.** "

Jinyoung then told everything that happened to his best friend, tears rolling on his cheeks. Jinyoung had his head down, and he was blind to Jaebum's expressionless face. Maybe, if he lifted his head for even a second, he could see that something was wrong with his friend.

"-  **I'll be right back** ", said Jaebum, interrupting Jinyoung in his explanation.

Jaebum got into his car as his friend stared at him in awe. This wasn't Jaebum's usual behaviour and it disturbed the younger one, who didn't need any more concerns than he already had.

Jaebum started driving and driving, until he found a red hair that could fit Jinyoung's endless descriptions of his crush.

"-  **Mark ?** " he said, quickly parking his car and running after a young man who was approximately his age.

Turning at the voice, Mark jumped a bit when he saw a total stranger calling him.

"-  **Do I know you ?**

-  **No you don't. But you know my best friend. Jinyoung ?**

-  **Oh, Jin' ! Yes I know him. How can I help you ?** "

Strangely, Mark wasn't really reassured when the guy told him he knew Jinyoung. The stranger was analyzing his face as if he was very suspicious about him. But Mark did nothing wrong, right ?

"-  **I'm sorry if he's bothering you. It's just that he's crushing over so many people these days. And you're his new crush. You know, he barely gets any love at home. I guess he's searching for some now.**

-  **He's absolutely not bothering me, though.** "

These words escaped Mark's mouth before he could stop them. And he suddenly realized that it was the truth.

"-  **But I thought... Jinyoung told me...**

-  **He told you we got into a fight ?**

-  **Well, yeah...**

-  **I made a mistake. He...means a lot to me.** "

Jaebum's eyes were confused. This conversation wasn't going the way he expected it to go. He was still doubtful about this whole thing, about a stranger becoming Jinyoung's new boyfriend, and maybe he was only scared for his best friend.

He didn't want Jinyoung to be hurt anymore, and somehow he knew Mark was going to break Jinyoung's heart.


	8. Chapter Six

« -  **Jinyoung !**  »

The young man turned around, nearly dropping the coffee he was holding in his hands. His eyes met Emily's, but strangely enough, he wasn't that shocked. Confused maybe, but not shocked. He couldn't feel anything since his fight with Mark.

He gave the coffee to his client who didn't look that happy after Jinyoung's clumsiness, cashed the money and turned to Emily, ready to hear everything she had to say.

"-  **Jinyoung** , she murmured. She looked guilty, as if she was doing something she shouldn't do.

-  **What is it, Emily ? I thought Mark broke up with you.**

-  **Yeah... Yeah he did** , she said, pain in her eyes as she digested Jinyoung's words.  **But I thought you would want to know about something, if you're going to date Mark.**

-  **We're not going to. We fought.**

-  **Sorry for you.**

-  **But you made me curious now. What do I have to know about Mark ?**

- **Well... Have you ever heard of Jackson ?"**

**_ FLASHBACK _ **

Mark was calmly walking home after his first day of school, just after spring break. Everything was perfect ; the sun was shining but it didn't feel hot, as a little breeze was blowing his hair in a messy way.

His phone suddenly started to ring and broke the calm around him. Sighing, he took his phone and glanced at the face that was appearing on the screen.

"-  **What is it Jackson ?**

-  **Mark...** "

The young man stopped walking at his best friend's voice. He wondered for a few seconds if he heard well, if Jackson really said his name, as his voice was shaking and really, really weak.

"-  **Jackson** **? Are you okay ?**

-  **Hey Mark...**

-  **What's happening ? Are you at home ? I'll be here soon, don't hang up.**

-  **Don't be silly. I'm totally fine !**

-  **Jackson** **, I know you're not. Don't hang up. Please**."

Three beeps followed his sentence as Jackson ended the phone call. Mark started running towards Jackson's home, which was, luckily enough, not far away.  
It had been months since they last saw each other. They talked nearly every day by texts but they didn't have time to meet, even if they both wanted to. Mark had no idea what was going on, and that was what terrified him the most.

He arrived in front of the door and took his keys. Jackson's mom gave him the key for all the times Jackson forgot his, so Mark could take him home. Jackson's parents were never home, and he was nearly alone all the time.

Opening the door, he called Jackson's name plenty of times before going to the bedroom. It was empty, but everything was a mess : the blanket was on the floor, the stuff which was normally on his desk was scattered on the floor, broken.

Mark panicked and shouted Jackson's name one last time, running to the last room Jackson could be in : the bathroom.

His hand was on the door handle, shaking, and he took a deep breath before opening the door. Jackson's body was here, lying down, looking like a gigantic marionette. Blood were flooding out his left wrist, and a blooding blade was on the sink.

Mark exploded, and sat down by his friend's side, still calling his name. Jackson was still breathing and opened his eyes at Mark's voice, smiling as he tried to talk to his best friend.

"-  **Hey Mark, how are you ?**

-  **Jackson** **, why on earth did you do that ? I have my phone I'll call an ambulance, please stay with me, you'll be okay...**

-  **Don't, please, Mark. If you love me, let me go. You know, I don't have the perfect life you're living in.**

-  **What are you talking about ?**

-  **I'm gay. I love you. Not in a friendly way, if you still don't understand. I love you more than you'll ever love me. But these guys knew. They made me live in hell, at school. They always asked me for money, they always beat me up. I deserve it.**

-  **Why didn't you tell me, Jacks ?! I could have helped you, I would have paid for you to come to my school, Jackson, you'll be okay, let me call an ambulance...**

-  **Please don't. I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine**."

And Mark realized it was the truth. Jackson may have lived the worst thing ever for the past months, but right now, he seemed so calm, so peaceful. He was fine, he was happy, for the first time since he realized he was... gay. He knew he was going to start a new life in a whole new world, and maybe Mark wouldn't be with him, but it was worth it. He wouldn't be alone anymore.

A heavy silence was falling on Mark's shoulders, as Jackson's breathing was going harder each second that passed. Jackson closed his eyes, sighed, and finally stopped shaking.

"-  **Mark ?**

-  **Jackson** **, I'm here. Everything will be alright, I'm here.**

-  **Mark, I love you.**

-  **I love you too, silly guy.**

-  **I'm cold, Mark.** "

Mark closed his eyes as he knew it was the end. He took Jackson's hand in his and kissed his delicate fingers, sobbing hard, and lied down to his friend, his shirt covered in blood. He took a look at his best friend's face as he took his last breath, making Mark crying even more when he saw that Jackson, his Jackson, died with a smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY DON'T KILL ME PLS
> 
> I know this is such a short and shitty chapter but I needed to write this so you guys understand what happened to Jackson and the reason of Mark's panick attacks. :) *I had to make a Markson back story because I'm a Markson trash*
> 
> I hope you liked it :))


	9. Chapter Seven

A few hours after Emily left, Jinyoung's mind was still turning upside down like a tornado. He needed time to digest everything but he didn't have this time. Work couldn't wait.

"-  **A dark coffee, please.** "

Jinyoung froze at the voice and raised his head, meeting Mark's brown eyes, the ones he didn't want to meet.

"-  **Jinyoung ? Why are you crying ? What's happening ?**

-  **I saw Emily earlier. She told me about Jack- Jackson** , he said, stuttering on his words as tears were falling on his cheeks.

-  **Oh,** Mark whispered, as his heart missed a beat. **That's why you're crying ?**

-  **Mark, you don't understand...**

-  **Explain. Tell me.**

-  **You only like me because you see him in me. You don't like me, you love him**."

Jinyoung's red eyes stared into Mark's ones, and only looked away after a few seconds. He took off his apron, smiled at Mark, and walked away. And as he did, Mark's mind went blank, as he realized it was maybe the truth.

Jinyoung went out the shop with tears still rolling on his cheeks, walked for a bit and knocked on a door, a few meters away from the shop.

Jaebum opened the door, and let his best friend enter his house in silence. They both sat on the couch and Jaebum waited patiently for Jinyoung to talk. He knew his friend needed time.

"-  **He lied to me**."

And at those words, Jaebum knew he was right about Mark breaking Jinyoung's heart.

"-  **He had a best friend named Jackson. Emily told me he died. He committed suicide. He was gay, Jaebum, and everybody bullied him. He killed himself because he couldn't take it anymore, and... Jackson was in love with Mark. Mark realized he had feelings for Jackson after Jackson died, but Jaebum...**

-  **Yes ?**  Jaebum said, looking as lost as his friend.

-  **Jackson** **'s personality was just like mine. Mark fell for me just because he thinks I'm Jackson**."

A few minutes flied in silence as they both stopped talking. Jinyoung's sobs were the only thing breaking the calm around them, and they stopped when he fell asleep.

Jaebum, lost in his thoughts, jumped when he heard the door bell ringing. Nobody used this ring anymore, or at least not the one who were close to him, as Jaebum disliked this sound more than anything else.

He got up, growling, and opened the door, making him discover a lost and confused Mark.

"-  **I'm sorry, I followed Jinyoung, I... can I talk to him ?** "

Jaebum's cold eyes stared at Mark, and he took a few seconds to answer Mark's question.

"-  **No.**

-  **Listen, I really have to talk to him, please, I won't be long...**

-  **I said no**."

The door slammed in front of him, as Jaebum closed the only door separating him from Jinyoung. He waited a few minutes more in front of the house, expecting Jinyoung to come out and chase after him, but he didn't.

His way home was long, too long, and his mind was still blank. He didn't feel anything, he was empty, but he didn't feel calm. It was as if he was living in another world, as if he didn't belong to this world, as if everything was unfamiliar to him.

He finally got home after what seemed like forever, and dropped his stuff on the floor. Going to the bathroom, he sat on the ground and tried to get his thoughts together, to calm down, as he was finally realizing what happened.

"-  **Jackson** **?** "

He knew it was stupid, Jackson couldn't be here, but he needed someone right now, someone who knew him better than anyone else, but this person left a while ago.

"-  **I'm sorry, Jackson**."

He was murmuring these words, as if he was afraid that someone would hear him. He got up and took a bottle of pills, taking a lot of them in his hand.

"-  **Why did you go ? Why aren't you here with me ? What's wrong with me ?** "

He let the water flowing as his voice became shaky and cracked, the same way his heart did.

"-  **He doesn't want to talk to me anymore, because he knows about you, Jackson. He knows. He knows everything's my fault. If only I did listen to you, my best friend, my other half, my love. I'm... I can't do this anymore. I'm trying to forget you but I can't. You're haunting me. I can feel your presence everywhere I go. I'm scared. I want to move on but your shadow still lingers here. I can't do this anymore. Guilt is breaking me apart, Jack. I can't live if you're not by my side. Maybe... Maybe it's time for me to go and run back into your arms.** "

A small sigh escaped Mark's lips that were turning into a smile as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. His tears were shining on his cheeks like silver shines in the sunlight. He was so pathetic, yet he looked very peaceful in that moment, he looked calm, and his expression contrasted with the action he was finally ready to execute.

Right after he swallowed the numerous pills he was holding in his hand, Jackson's face appeared on the shiny mirror in front of him. Mark laughed, he laughed hysterically at his own behaviour.

"-  **You must be happy Jackson, I'm coming back to you again, isn't it what you wanted for me ?** "

The aura around Jackson trembled, as his eyes looked like they were trying to beg for Mark to be reasonable. But the young man couldn't listen, his eyes weren't watery anymore and in fact, they shone with a light of madness.

Mark's sadness turned him into a monster, but he couldn't hurt anyone except himself.

"-  **I'm not, Mark. I wanted you to be happy, to not make the same mistakes as I did. I love you, even in my death, but I love you when you're alive. This is not your time, Mark. It's not. You have Jinyoung. He's with you. And I am too**."

Mark's expression was at first really shocked, but his legs dropped him on the ground as the silver streaks on his cheeks were emptying his heart from the pain he was feeling. It was his voice, he could recognize every tone he used ; but it sounded so far away, as if it came from another world Mark didn't have any access to.

He lied down on the ground, the world he was living in turning upside down, and he closed his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he felt as if it was his time, finally.

"-  **Mark !** "


	10. Chapter Eight

Jaebum slammed the door just in front of Mark and slowly came back to the living room, trying to forget how bad Mark looked. He knew he had done the right thing, so why was he feeling so guilty ?

His best friend straightened up and rubbed his swollen eyes, still tired after his agitated nap.

"-  **Who was it ?**

-  **Nobody. Go back to sleep.**

-  **Please, tell me. Was it Mark ?** "

Jaebum's heart broke down hearing the concern in his voice. He knew Jinyoung was in love with Mark, but he somehow wished he would realize that Mark was the bad guy in their story.

"-  **Yes.** "

He didn't even had the time to protest before Jinyoung would run out of his house, chasing about the one who couldn't even make him happy anymore.

Jinyoung ran and ran without even stopping once to calm his breathing, and rang as soon as he arrived at Mark's house. It took him a few minutes to even try to open the door, not receiving any answer. He ran into the house, trying hard to calm his beating heart, and called Mark's name, not really knowing what he was expecting.

He searched for him in every room of the house and finally reached his bedroom, which was, just like the other rooms, empty. It was really clean though, as if Mark never really got home. A big thud suddenly broke the silence that was suffocating him, and he walked to the bathroom, entering without any hesitation.

He didn't really expect to find what he did, though.

"-  **Mark !** "

He called his name as he fell on his knees just beside his friend, calling an ambulance as soon as he seemed to be able to think again.

Mark's head was on his lap as they arrived, taking him on a stretcher, away from a terrified Jinyoung who followed them in the ambulance, never letting go of his hand.

Everything around him was blurry, and his mind was strangely calm. He saw numerous doctors, got a phone call from Mark's parents who were away for work, and he even thought of calling Jaebum but he simply couldn't. He didn't know why, but he blamed Jaebum for everything.

If only he had let him in.

He was finally allowed of coming in Mark's room and sat beside his friend, taking his freezing hand in his to give him the only warm he could even get.

Hours were passing without Mark waking up, and even if the doctors said it was normal, he was still worried.

What if he didn't wake up ? What if he would never wake up ? What if he left forever ?

And as these questions obsessed him, making their way in every part of his body, he realized how hard it must have been for Mark to see his best friend, his lover, dying in his arm, and accepting it.

Mark was strong, but Jinyoung wasn't. He couldn't let go of Mark, not that soon, not now. He needed him. He needed him with all his heart.

When Mark finally opened his eyes, nearly a day after he got in the hospital, all he could see was the wet face and messy dark hair beside him. He growled, trying to change his position but the pipes on his arm wouldn't let him.

His agitation apparently woke Jinyoung up, and he rubbed his eyes in habit, meeting Mark's eyes for the first time since they last fought, the last day in the afternoon.

"-  **Mark ! You're awake, I thought you would leave me, I'm so glad you're fine...**

 **\- Hey,** Mark whispered with a weak smile.

-  **How are you ? Are you okay ?**

-  **I would be if you stopped questioning me** , he said, making the other laugh.

-  **I'm sorry...**

-  **Don't be, I should be the one apologizing.**

-  **You did nothing wrong Mark. I was the one who rejected you for something you couldn't do anything about. I should have supported you instead of blaming you**."

Mark smiled and stared at Jinyoung. He was lucky, and he was glad that he had met Jinyoung. Even if he couldn't fill the hole Jackson left in his life, Jinyoung could still try to make him happy, right ?

"-  **At least you're here today. That's all I ask for.** "

Jinyoung laughed quietly and embraced Mark in his arms. He still felt sorry, and wanted to apologize again for his behaviour. He felt like a monster after what he did to him, but he couldn't do anything else besides supporting Mark right now.

Mark still needed time to get over Jackson's death, and Jinyoung knew it. He was ready to give him all he needed, and to be here for him whenever he had those stupid attacks again.

Mark placed his arms around Jinyoung's waist to pull him closer. He felt good, breathing his coffee scent again.

Mark could finally realize that he was wrong : Jinyoung was completely different from Jackson. Jinyoung would never leave him, and he was everything Mark needed. Mark himself was different from Jinyoung ; but it also felt so familiar.

Jinyoung was the sweetness Mark needed after years of living as a monster, of destroying himself. And even if Mark used to hate sweetness – he couldn't help but love Jinyoung's, and would never ever leave him.


End file.
